Time for a bit of honesty. Yesterday and today I’ve had a horrid headache. 😣🙅♀️The kind of tension headache that radiates across the eyebrows and goes to the back of my head and down my neck.
For me this is a sure sign that my period is on its way and we have not been successful this month. (That and a few spots on my face and a bloated and achey feeling in my uterus). I woke up early with an overwhelming sense of despair. 🤦♀️
The weather today being dark outside and raining seems to mirror the gloom I feel. I didn’t want to get up and face what is inevitably going to be a day of doing things to distract myself but my mind and body are ever aware of waiting for my period to arrive. Somehow even with all these signs I find the tiny ray of hope and strength to tell myself it’s not over til it definitely arrives but experience overshadows this with ‘ don’t kid yourself you’ve been here so many times before’.
This is my storm. ⛈ The storm of 9 years of monthly disappointments. I also have a storm of grief that is always there in the background of my 24 week twin pregnancy loss.💔💔 There is also a raging fear that comes with it that says ‘maybe that’s it for me and I won’t ever be pregnant again’.
I know that I need to and will very soon rise above the storm. I know that soon I will find the sunshine whether that be the sunshine of hope or even the miracle of a baby. 🌞
For now though I’m being open and raw with you about the storm as this where I am at. I know that these are the kind of storms so many of you have to face. You are not alone.
What storm are you facing today?